I grew up with Chevy cars and when I was old enough to drive, my first car was a Chevy. I’ve had two more Chevys since then and in all my Chevy days, I have learned a thing or two…
1. Make sure all doors to the vehicle are shut before driving away. Seems like a no-brainer, right? Well, try being a kid who was constantly half-hanging out the door when the car was thrown into reverse.
2. Always take a receipt from the pump after getting gas and paying with a credit card just in case the cashier inside calls the cops and reports that you didn’t pay and the sheriff shows up at your house. Seriously, this shit happens.
3. Have a sense of humor. If hoodlums spray paint your car with foul language while you’re at the movies, laugh at the fact that, among all the cuss words they could come up with, the word ‘fart’ decorates your back tire. You can’t do anything about it now anyway, so just chuckle and drive home. Besides, it could be worse.
4. Sometimes you just have to hit the animals that get in your way. If you are on the interstate going 70 being followed be an SUV and passing a tractor trailer truck then the family of ducks trying to cross the road or that doe that jumps from the tall grass onto your windshield were not meant to live.
5. Treat your car with kindness and regular maintenance, if you don’t, it is nothing but a death box on wheels. I don’t really have anything to completely back this up but I think it is a valid point.
6. Roll your right pant leg up in the winter when you’re driving, otherwise you’ll get a ring of salt around your pant leg and go into work with mismatched ankles. Doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I don’t have time to hit up the laundromat every week for one damn pant leg.
7. If you’re truckin’ along and all of a sudden the speed starts to drop, try to pull over first before you scream and call someone.
8. After you get all your fluids changed make sure the lovely auto-dudes have screwed your coolant tank cap back on before you drive all the way down to the bottom of the state and then can’t get the car to start up again because it’s been overheating the whole day.
9. When you finally find the that auto-dudes didn’t put the cap back on your coolant tank, call them and complain and get your money back. Do not take ‘no’ for an answer.
10. Keep an emergency car kit in your trunk at all times, regardless if its October and winter isn’t supposed to be there yet. You don’t really want to stay at that sheisty motel off Rte. 9 without a clean pair of clothes to change into or a toothbrush do you?
11. Change your tires every so often. Bald tires are like a fashion statement: they are trying too hard. And go back and read #5. Think, Death Box.
12. Give drivers in front of you plenty of space. You don’t know if the person in front of you panics every time someone comes up behind them, especially at a stop because this one time this drunk asshole hit them at a red light and now every time they’re stopped anywhere they think they’ll be crushed. I know from experience dude.
13. Learn to change a flat tire so that when you are stranded in the parking lot outside of work you do not have to rely on the business manager to come out and show you how its done. Not that I wasn’t grateful.
14. Dance parties in the car can be fun. Try it at least once, but keep both hands on the wheel if you’re the driver.
15. Keep as little as possible in your trunk so that in the event that some crack addict breaks into it, the only thing they can steal is the sign that says, “Get your head out of my ass. Love, Chevy.”